ACT I, SCENE IV - "MAXIMUS GETS U-G-L-Y"

Wright Manor. Maximus' Wing. Re-enter Maximus and Tonya holding hands.

Maximus, "Wow, you looking hot tonight, baby girl!"
Tonya, Blushing, "Hot for you, Sir Maximus."
Maximus, "Girl, you need to stop yo stuff. Turn around one time for me."
Tonya slowly turns around. She wearing a one-piece, pink teddy Maximus bought for her.
Maximus, Rubbing his chin, "I must say, tha Lord has truly blessed you, Sister Tonya. Make a brotha wanna scream. In fact, I think I will scream." (He lets out a high pitch scream and then laughs.)
Tonya, Getting embarrassed, "St....st.....stop that, boy, before someone hears you!"
Maximus, "Awe, girl........ain't nobody gone hear us. Remember, you're in Sir Maximus' wing."
Tonya, "B....b....But what if Darling comes over?"
Maximus, "She won't.....she's preoccupied with her own life, if you know what I mean."
Tonya, Feeling more relaxed, "Oh, really? And who's she with?"
Maximus, "Don't worry 'bout all that. We got our own business to take care of."
He grabs her and starts kissing her.
Tonya, Looking around nervously, "Are you sure no one is going to come in?"
Maximus, Feeling rejected, "Will you please stop worrying."
Tonya, "But what about Pastor and First Lady Wright?"
Maximus, Sighing heavily, "They are both out of town and aren't expected until 5:00 a.m. Now come on girl, let's get busy. I need you."
Maximus starts kissing Tonya again.
Tonya, Responds but suddenly draws away, "And what is with you ignoring me at church? Are you sh...sh...ashamed of me?"
Maximus, Smiling, "Girl, you know we got's to be mo' careful."
Tonya, Allowing him to pull her closer, "I guess you're right. After all, I am First Lady's 'handmaiden' and closest confidant."
Maximus, Kissing her on her lips and neck, "Of course, I am.... I mean, of course I'm not. And what would my daddy say. You know how he feels about 'fornicators'!"
Maximus, Gestures and points as if preaching, "Thou shalt not fornicate!"
He and Tonya laughs.
Tonya, In a soft voice, "But Pastor Wright, you just don't understand......we, fornicators, have needs."
Maximus, Still 'preaching', "Needs?! Da Lawd shall supply all yo needs!"
Tonya, Grabbing Maximus' hand; placing it on her breast, "But Pastor, how da Lawd gone fulfill this need?"
Maximus, Kissing her passionately, "Yeah, now that's what I'm talking about. Enough talking. Let's git it on!"
Maximus starts humming 'Let's Get It On' by Marvin Gaye.
Tonya, Swooning and falling onto Maximus' bed, "Yeah, baby, that's my song."
Maximus, Softly lying on top of her, still humming; then singing, "Let's get it on.....let's get in on......"
Tonya, Softly, "Oh, yeah. I'm feeling you, baby."
They are interrupted by the phone ringing.
Pastor Wright, Sternly, "Maximus? Boy, what you up to?"
Maximus, Suddenly raising up and adjusting his clothes as if his father is there in person, "Sir? Nothing, sir. I was just sitting here laying down some beats."
Pastor Wright, Knowing his son is lying, "You sure? Why do you sound strange? You wouldn't be doing something you shouldn't be?"
Maximus, Lying, "No, sir....Well, sir.....I was singing and really getting into the song. And suddenly, I started to feel the Spirit."
Pastor Wright, Laughing, "You ain't got some pretty young girl over there have you, son?"
Maximus, "No, sir.....I don't have no pretty young girl over here."
Tonya punches him on the arm.
Maximus holds his finger to her mouth; gesturing her to keep quiet.
Pastor Wright, "Well, I just called to say, your mother and I will be there shortly. The conference ended early, and we decided to come on home to see what you and Darling were up to."
First Lady Wright insisting on speaking with her son.
First Lady, "Son, are you all right? Have you been eating?"
Maximus, Clearing his throat and smiling, "Yes, Mother. I'm fine, and yes, I've been eating."
First Lady, "Where's your sister? Where's Darling?"
Maximus, "She in her room. Do you want me to transfer you to her room?"
First Lady, "Yes, son. Hold on a second. Baby (To Pastor Wright), do you need to speak with Maximus any more?
Pastor Wright, Clearing his throat, "No, dear. Just remind him that we'll be there in about an hour."
First Lady, "Okay. Son, transfer me to Darling's room."
Maximus, Breathing a sigh of relief, "Yes, Mother. Love you. See you and Pops soon."
First Lady, "Love you, too."
Maximus, Calling Darling's room, "Darling? Girl, you got your clothes on? Mom and Pops are on their way home!"
Darling, Alarmed, "But I thought they weren't expected until 5:00 a.m.?"
Maximus, Laughing, "They weren't but the conference ended early, and they decided to surprise us. So you'd better get some clothes on and send that dude home."
Darling, Lying, "What dude?"
Maximus, Still laughing, "Yeah, right."
Maximus, Coming back to his mother, "Mom, she must be in the bathroom. But I know she's home. We'll see you when you get here."
First Lady, "Well, alright.......Love you...kisses."
Maximus, Kissing the phone, "Love you, too, Mom. See you in a little bit."
Maximus, Hanging up suddenly and grabbing Tonya, "Come on girl. We ain't got but a few minutes and that's all I need."
Tonya, Giggling and punching Maximus, "You ought to be ashamed. And what was that all about?"
Maximus, Laughing, "What?"
Tonya, "No, sir, I ain't got no pretty young girl over here. So I ain't pretty?"
Maximus, Still laughing and kissing Tonya, "Aw, girl, you know I was just playing. You know you are so beautiful. (He starts singing the song, "You Are So Beautiful.)

Scene III - Wright Manor - Maximus Wright's Wing

Enter Maximus Wright and Napoleon Weasley

Maximus, Singing to iPod, music playing loudly in ear; Napoleon following him.

MAXIMUS' SONG.

Jesus is my Lord.

Jesus in my King.

He was there in tha beginnin'

Yeah......He created everythin'!

Spoke it all into existence by saying , 'Let there be!'

There's absolutely nobody......nowhere that's greater than He!

I am blessed coming in.

I am blessed going out.

And it's all because of Jesus.

So let me hear you shout!

Say, 'I'm blessed!'

Napoleon, Echoes, "Blessed!"

Maximus, Singing louder, "Blessed!"

Napoleon, Echoing again, "Blessed!"

Maximus, "Say, 'I'm blessed!'

Napoleon, "Blessed!"

Maximus, Continiuing to dance around his room, as he removes his iPod from his ear, "Say, I'm blessed beyond all measure. There's no way I'll eva doubt!"

Napoleon, giving Maximus a high five, "Yeah, man......That's what I'm talking 'bout! Man, that's hittin'!

Maximus, As he give Napoleon another high five, "And, you know this!"

Napoleon, "Man, when are you gone lay that down?"

Maximus, "Oh, it's in the works, brotha. You betta believe that!"

Napoleon, "Man, tha world ain't gone be able to handle Tha Maximus!"

Maximus, "Of, course not! But the question is?"

Napoleon, "What's that man?"

Maximus, He laughs and slaps Napoleon on the head, "What tha haters gone say?"

Napoleon, "So what you saying?"

Maximus, "Come on man. You and me both know how haters always hatin' on 'Sir Maximus The Great!"

Napoleon, "You right. They do be hatin' don't they?"

Maximus, "Fo real! And they ain't even seen the best of Maximus yet!"

Napoleon, "There you go.........."

Maximus, "What?! You know I'm speakin' truth, brotha."

Napoleon, "I know but why you always got to refer to yourself as 'Sir Maximus The Great?"

Maximus, Grinning, "Cause I am, and everybody wants to be me---even you."

Napoleon, "Naw, brotha......just as long as you let me come along and enjoy the benefits of basking in your greatness."

Maximus, Slapping him again and grinning widely, "Oh, believe that."

Napoleon, Changing the subject, "So what's the story with you and old girl?"

Maximus, "Who?"

Napoleon, Enviously, "Tonya. Ya'll were looking a little serious at Church last Sunday."

Maximus, "Nothin' man. You know how tha ladies be crushin' on Sir Maximus The Great.'

Napoleon, "Well, she's telling everybody that you and her are a couple."

Maximus, Hissing and laughing, "T-T-Tonya? Come on man. You know me betta than that."

Napoleon, Laughing, "Yeah, you right. She does have that st...st...studdering problem."

They both laugh again.

Maximus, Still laughing, "Hey, but she do got tha body---from the neck down!"

Napoleon, Laughing uncontrollably, "Yeah, she also puts the 'u' in 'ugly!'

Maximus, Rapping, "I say she ugly. Ug.......ug......ug......ugly!" (They laugh harder.)

Napoleon, "But seriously man......you don't think you can get pass tha st......st......studdering and ug......ug......ug......ugly?"

Maximus, Leaping on top of his bed, with arms raised, "Baby, I AM MAXIMUS! MAXIMUS THE GREAT! And MAXIMUS THE GREAT don't do ugly. (He leaps off the bed, laughing.) Now, get out of here........I'm expecting company."

Napoleon, "Anybody I know?"

Maximus, "Nope, and don't ask me to tell you her name."

Napoleon, "Alright, man. I'll see you tomorrow. Sorry, I mean, I'll see 'Sir Maximus the Great tomorrow'." (He bows and then leaves, giving Maximus a brotherly hug.)

Maximus, Suddenly rushing into his private bathroom to freshening up. The door bell rings. Maximus sprays on some cologne. Pops in a mint. Looks in the mirror and repeats, 'I AM MAXIMUS......MAXIMUS THE GREAT!' And rushes downstairs. A figure awaits him at the door.

"Maximus, The Great"

Scene II--Darling Wright's Bedroom

Enter Darling Wright, with cell phone; texting.

Darling, "Hey, babe. Wat r u up 2?"

Receiver, "Jst lyng hr thnkn bout u."

Darling, Giggling, "Dats so swet. Im thnkn bout u 2. Ms me?"

Receiver, "Wat do u thnk? Wat r u wearin?"

Darling, Still giggling, and applying makeup, "Nuthin."

Receiver, "OMG!!!!!!!!!"

Darling, Giggling loudly, "LOL...u so krzy! R u stil cmng 2nte?"

Receiver, "LOL......I wudnt ms dos big legs 4 da wrld! Wat tm r u dancing?"

Darling, Sighing, "Bout 10 and my m&d wl b hm bout 5 am.......So we hve al nte."

Receiver, "OMG!!! On my way ovr!!!!"

Darling, Still giggling, "Wat hv I tld u bout usng da Lrds nme n vain? Anyway, I need 2 git my har & nails don 4 2ntes shw."

Receiver, "Oh, man......I cn feel dos bg thighs on me now!!!!!!!"

Darling, Suddenly aroused, "Now, now, babe......clm dwn u getn me all xcited...lol! We'll c ech othr 2nte!"

Receiver, "Well...awrght. Bt wl u do smthin 4 me?"

Darling, "Anything, babe."

Receiver, "Tlk drty 2 me......pls?"

Darling, Sighing, "I tld u I dont hve tme......Got 2 get my har & nails don. May b nxt tm.....LOL"

Receiver, "Awrght......do somthn els 4 me den."

Darling, Sighing louder in exasperation, as she changes clothes, "Wat, babe?"

Receiver, "Sin me a pic rite now!!!!!!! U no hw I git." (He sends her a sad face.)

Darling, "K......Luv u.......got 2 go......my aptmnt is at 7:30!!!!!! Cant b late!!!!LOL"

Receiver, "Kinda lat 2 b gitng yo har & nails don....u betta not b cuttn out on me baby grl!!!!" (He sends her another sad face.)

Darling, Laughing, "U trippin......lol!"

Receiver, "U gon b trippin if I fnd out u playn me!!!!!! Y u breathin so hard??????!"

Darling, Hurriedly dressing, "Babe, u no I wuld nvr play u......lol......I luv u!!!!" (She sends him a rose.)

Receiver, "Dats my grl. (He sends her a smiley face) R u wearing dat new outft I bout u?"

Darling, "Yes, babe!!!!!!!! Now can I go????? LOL"

Receiver, "You shol n a hurry.........u sur u gitn yo har & nails don?"

Darling, "Yes, babe! (She sends him a smiley face.)

Receiver, "Rememba wat I told u.....Ill kill u if I find out u playn me!!!!!" (He sends her a picture of a gun to his head.)

Darling, "Babe, I told u......I luv u n wuld nevr cheat on u." (She sends him another smiley face.)

Receiver, "K....Ill c u 2nte. Cant w8!"

Darling, Smiling, "I luv u (She sends him a kiss).......C u round 10."

Suddenly, the door bell rings.

"Comingggggg!"

Darling quickly adjusts her new wig, touches up her lip gloss and hurries downstairs. She pauses to take one last look in the mirror. At the bottom of the stairs she can see a dark figure at the door. She opens the door. Jonathan David grabs her, and they immediately start kissing passionately.

"SATURDAY NIGHT" Act I

THE DRAMATIS PERSONAE

DEBORAH GOLDEN, Minister-elect

JAMES WRIGHT, Pastor

MARY MARTHA WRIGHT, Pastor's Wife and First Lady

DARLING WRIGHT, Pastor's Daughter

MAXIMUS WRIGHT, Pastor's Son

JONATHAN DAVID, Pastor's Chief Armorbearer

NAPOLEON WEASLEY, Pastor's Armorbear, Second in Command

ROBIN PEACEMAN, First Lady's Attendant, Elder & Minister Peaceman's Daughter

TONYA CHATMAN, First Lady's Attendant, Deborah Golden's Childhood Friend

EDWARD STRONG, Elder

DARIUS CUNNING, Elder

TIMOTHY PEACEMAN, Elder

LEONARDO WRIGHT, Minister of Music, Pastor's Cousin

GWENDOLYN WRIGHT, Leonardo's Wife

RUTH STRONG, Prophetess, Elder Strong's Wife

HARRIET CUNNING, Minister, Elder Cunning's Wife

SHARON PEACEMAN, Minister, Elder Peaceman's Wife

Messengers, Watchers, Attendants and Church Folk

Opening Scene,---Deborah Golden's Home

ACT I.

Scene I,---Saturday Night at Deborah Golden's Home

Enter DEBORAH. Phone rings. She answers without looking at 'caller i.d.'.

Deborah, "Hello".

Tonya, "What are you doing"?

Deborah, "Nothing. Trying to figure out what I should wear to Church tomorrow".

Tonya, Jokingly. "Well you know you'd better watch yourself. That dress you had on last Sunday was a little too tight. I could see your pantie lines, and I noticed First Lady Cunning---I mean, Sister Cunning, looking at you out of the corner of her eye".

Deborah, Rolling her eyes and laughing. "At least I had on panties, which is more than I can say for some of ya'll". (Tonya never worn panties. She said they were too confining and she needed her freedom.)

Tonya, In a high squeal. "Ya'll?! I have you know I always wear panties---granny panties at that"!

Deborah, Still laughing. "Girl, you know you need to stop lying before God strikes you down. When was the last time you wore panties? And, any way, you know it doesn't matter what I wear somebody's always got something to say."

Tonya, giggling. (Deborah was right. She never worn panties---they were too confining---she liked her freedom.) "Well, just be careful. I'd hate to hear of you going before the 'Sanhedrin Council' again".

Deborah, "I know what you mean, girl. Church folk---". (Deborah remembered her last meeting with 'The Council'. They had 'heard' that she was selling beer and wine at her nephew's wedding and dancing. Of course it wasn't true, and besides, the hotel's policy where the wedding was held required that alcohol be offered as part of their beverage menu but that didn't matter to 'The Council'. They had 'heard about it from a very reliable source', and as usual---'the source' was not present at the wedding but had 'heard about the drinking and partying' from another source, who had 'heard about the selling, drinking, dancing and partying from her cousin, who wasn't there but heard about it from her cousin's sister's brother'. 'The Council' immediately called for a meeting with her to address such a 'serious issue'---after all, she was a minister-elect and 'such behavior just could not be tolerated'. And definitely not at 'The Church On The Hill By The Road By The River On The Way'.)

Tonya, "Somthin' else! (Tonya immediately adds and laughs.) Well...I'll see you tomorrow and remember, not too provocative, Sister Deborah".

Deborah, "Yeah, yeah---I know. Good night." (Deborah hangs up smiling, takes her most conservative black dress out of the closet, along with her hose, slip and black patent leather pumps. Her grandmother had taught her to never leave the house without stockings, a slip and clean underwear. She takes out her Bible and begins to read, preparing herself for Sunday. Tonya hangs up and immediately hits the speed dial on her phone.)

Harriet, Superficially, "Greetings, in the name of the Lord."

Tonya, "Greetings, First Lady. How are you tonight?" (Harriet Cunning was not the First Lady but had requested that Tonya address her as such.)

Harriet, "Blessed and highly favored.......blessed and highly favored."

Tonya, "Praise the Lord. I just got off the phone with Minister Deborah (Sarcastically), and I want you to know I jumped all over her about that dress she had on last Sunday! Coming to church without a slip---pantie lines showing and where were her stockings?!"

Harriet, "Good. She knows better than to wear something that tight to Church. Pastor could barely keep his eyes off her, and I caught Elder Peaceman looking at her out of the corner of his eye".

Tonya, Caustically, "Yeah, Pastor always did have a thing for her. Everyone knows she's his pet, and we all see the way he looks at her. Ought to be ashamed. They ain't fooling nobody."

Harriet, "Don't worry, I've got my eye on them. Me and the Bishop. Sooner or later they are going to slip up and when they do, Bishop Cunning will become Pastor---the way God intended."

Tonya, "Well, just know that I've got you in my prayers, First Lady. You and Elder---I mean, Bishop Cunning. I know things will be different once you and he are in charge of the Church. You have a good night now. We'll see you tomorrow. Love you."

Harriet, "God bless you, Sister Tonya. I wish we had more young women like you in the Church. You have a blessed night, too. Good night, now." (As Harriet hangs up the phone, she yells for Elder Cunning, "Bishop!")